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Vendor Essays: The ‘fake reality’ of today’s television

Tue, Aug 21, 2012

StreetWise Vendor Sylvester Quast

Bachelor creator Mike Fleiss recently admitted that reality TV is 70 to 80 percent fake, for real! I thought it was possible to fall in love with 10 people at a time!

A real creepy show, but then again, remember The Love Boat? Find love on a two-day cruise. Cheaters call their show real reality TV. Most reality shows are vapid, crass, exploitative, and moronic.

I must admit, some shows are guilty pleasures for me. Cops is fun. Cheaters is fake but entertaining. Survivor was good early on. Let’s not forget, on that show a guy got burned and was flown out. In real life that guy would have died a slow death.

My number one reality show is Big Brother. I’d love to be on that show. No TV, no radio, no newspapers, and best of all, no texting. Imagine a vacation from texters! You’re in a house with a dozen people you’ve met: awkward and nerve wracking. While most Big Brother contestants make a huge mistake of walking in, pounding their chests, and getting booted early, I’d be cunning. The more quiet you are the less likely they will notice you.

Anyway, not all reality shows fare well. ABC just cancelled The Revolution. The Revolution will not be televised! The hipsters were “Right on, Man!” It seems like any idea for a reality show can be picked up. To prove my point, here are my top 10 ideas for reality shows. However, I bet some TV honcho would look at the list and say, “Hey! I can run with this!”

• No. 10 – Antarctica Idol
• No. 9 – Ozzy Osbourne Recites the Phone Book
• No. 8 – Quicksand Survivor
• No 7 – “Go Pubs Go” Wrigleyville Edition
• No. 6 – Tom Dreesen’s “Hey! Did I tell ya I knew Sinatra?”
• No. 5 – Klingons vs Kardashians
• No. 4 – Gary Busey Staring Contest
• No. 3 – Tyler Perry’s Being Tyler Perry
• No. 2 – Celebrity Divorce Court
• No. 1 – Watching Paint Dry

Sylvester Quast, StreetWise Vendor

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